Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
