ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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