Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
