This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
