Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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