My liver just broke up with me...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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