Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
