We're like a lot better than the average bears
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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