i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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