I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
