This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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