his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
