You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
