I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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