Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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