When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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