Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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