Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
