You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
