I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
