i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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