I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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