This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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