Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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