You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
