i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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