Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
