My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
