started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
