i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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