Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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