from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
