he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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