What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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