im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
