for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
