I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
