Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
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Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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