mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
