Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
