This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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