Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
