I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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