I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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