my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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