had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
