That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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