having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize