So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize