So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Your cock deserves a montage
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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