do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
