and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
