I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
