White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
