I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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