So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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