there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
