is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
