In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
