is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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